I write in reply to “the adoptive family” whose letter was published on Saturday, November 18, in the Chicago Tribune. This family wrote to express its gratitude to an invisible birth mother for their adopted son and his seven grandchildren. And your answer was as expected: everyone is grateful to the ghost birth mother who made all this happiness possible.
Beyond the expected "gratitude," where are the feelings for these birth mothers? Don’t you think that almost every birth mother would want to meet the wonderful family she created? Why must these “tough choices” be forever? Why can’t adults decide for themselves with whom they want to associate.
I am a 65 year old adopted woman. I have two wonderful children and three marvelous grandchildren. Not one day goes by when I don’t wish that my birth mother, “Margaret Walker,” and her family could know my wonderful family. She made it all possible and I would love for her to share in the joy.
Sealed records laws in 45 states in our country, Illinois included, make this feat daunting if not impossible for most of us adoptees. Our birth records are impounded at and sealed in perpetuity at the time our adoptions are finalized. The state governments have made it just as difficult as possible for us ever to be able to meet our first families.